In a country like ours, where therapy is a concept widely undervalued and misunderstood, it takes great courage to enter a new relationship and explain to your partner the obligations of your professional life and its inevitable repercussions on your married life.
Bridging the Gap
To me, communication was the key to establishing a strong building block to a new relationship. Usually, people refrain from talking openly about their struggles, the baggage the professional life brings, fearing to overwhelm this new person in their life. However, to me, it was important to bridge the gap. My partner needed to know the ethical considerations, boundaries, and the emotional impact of my work.
And, so I shared – the satisfaction my work brings me to help people untangle their lives, the times that I have been deeply affected by the trauma that many of my clients went through and how I mentally position myself on a daily basis to take life full-on.
I’m happy to share that my partner embraced it all.
Providing Therapy is NOT EASY
Not just your partner but even the family may take time to understand that after 8-9 hours of work you probably may just want to come and hit your bed at home into the caressing warmth of your partner’s arms rather than engaging in conversations with the new family members that enter your life. This can result in disparities in understanding, making you feel helpless, unheard, and unsupported.
Writing this blog reminds me of one particular incident where one of the family members did not appreciate nor understand my need to spend some “me” time in my room instead of engaging with them and other family members. This resulted in a few conversations making it challenging for me to explain the intricacies of my work and the significance of self-care, which often requires personal time.
Emotional Availability and the Unspoken Grief
Juggling emotional availability for clients alongside being present for your loved ones can be extremely demanding. I’ve encountered situations where friends and family have reached out, seeking to connect, spend time together, or meet, and I’ve found myself at times ignoring their requests, rescheduling, or even directly saying no. It’s not easy, it sucks beyond imagination, and you are ridden with guilt. There’s a perpetual feeling that you’ll end up all alone. Along with this, being married and managing two homes along with work is not just challenging but also draining.
I could not have imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that marriage could be such a massive transitional phase. It’s like your heart is ripped between two homes – your own and your partner’s (as is typical in Indian society). It’s almost like disenfranchised grief where nobody acknowledges nor understands your grief of undertaking a new role while mourning the loss of a lot of other roles.
Society pressures married women to take up new roles and become new versions of themselves even before we can pause and think if this is really what they want to become.
Grief hits you like waves in the ocean. You are happy yet a part of you is sad. There is a complete shift of identity.
Therapists Need Self-Care. They Really Do.
Underestimating the importance of self-care has been a recurring theme in my journey as a psychologist. It wasn’t until a specific incident during the COVID pandemic, in the midst of my eighth session of the day (yup, 8th session of the day!), that I hit a breaking point. It felt as if there was a dark, impenetrable wall obstructing my ability to process any information. “I blanked out.” Thankfully, my client sensed my struggle and gracefully agreed to end our session without questioning. That moment served as a wake-up call, reminding me that my well-being was in dire need of attention.
Since then, I have made a conscious effort to prioritize self-care and engage in activities that promote relaxation. I have discovered that relaxation doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Instead, it can be found in simple practices that restore balance and peace to my life. For me, this has involved indulging in various relaxation techniques, ensuring sufficient sleep, and engaging in regular exercise four to five times a week. I also started making sure that I take occasional breaks from the process.
Take a moment to pause and reconnect with your mind, body, and soul.
Self-care is a means of replenishing our emotional and mental reserves, allowing us to continue providing compassionate care to our clients. By actively engaging in these self-care practices, we safeguard our well-being and preserve our ability to show up fully for not just our loved ones but also our clients.
As Lao Tzu said
